The first visit I caught the shuttle from Danang and walked along the main shopping street in the old quarter where even cyclos (carts attached to bicycles) weren’t allowed. There were wires up above from which lanterns were suspended and shops selling art and jewellery and other things tourists would buy. I bought scarves and purses and a nice pair of amethyst earrings shaped like bananas.

Hoi An was a bit more Vietnam than Da Nang, which was a modern city that could be anywhere. The old quarter was full of people and shops. I like shops, what people sell tell you something about a country. I worked out how to walk the length of the street and then a few more blocks back to the hotel, resting frequently along the way when the pain in my glutes became unbearable. There were other buildings too, mostly one storey or two, and brick or plaster.

The dressmaker’s shops were further over. Vietnam is known for cheap tailored clothes made of silk and so I had a dress made and a top. The girl who looked after me told me her name was Celine till I insisted on knowing her real name, when she told me it was Ha. I chose material, and the design, and went back two or three times for fittings. It was interesting. I ended up with a nice top and a long flowing black dress with a colourful umbrella pattern. It’s now too big for me. I’ve lost weight.

The hotel room wasn’t as big as the one in Da Nang but I did like the huge open bathroom with sliding frames and a sliding door arrangement between the toilet and the shower. There were no private swimming pools but the public one at the back of the hotel had a wonderful pattern on its floor that was more fun to gaze at than to swim on. I did mean to swim in it but in Hoi An there was too much else to do.

The first few days I felt out of sorts but I emerged on the third day for dinner with the yoga girls, a bit confused but nevertheless determined to enjoy myself. I was too zonked to negotiate at the shoe shop where I had three pairs of sandals made that I didn’t bargain for. I’m not sure it would have worked anyway, they were pretty clear about what we would pay. Then we tried to find a cyclo to take me home but it seems they had all gone to bed. With the help of some kind Vietnamese I eventually got home in a boat.

Next day I was feeling much better. We went on a walking tour of the market and then out into the country somewhere for a Vietnamese cooking lesson. The market was a blaze of colour: fruit and vegetables in baskets, evil-smelling fish and squid and chicken legs. Most of the stall keepers were women, covered completely in what looked mostly like old pyjamas. They aren’t into sunbaking, apparently they prefer to keep their skin as white as possible. I’m not sure why, I thought the whole country was too hot and that dark skin might be protective.

I took loads of pictures as we walked through the markets, I planned to load them on Facebook under the caption ‘now this is food porn’ but never quite got around to it. Maybe I will still. We stopped for a while and I sat down next to a pretty little, short-haired girl in a yellow dress covered in great big cartoon eyes. She waved at me because her doting grandmother told her too, then spent the rest of the time hiding her face in her grandmother’s shoulders.

One lady kept trying to sell me stuff. She showed me swirling tops that lit up and vegetable peelers but was not having much luck even though I was ready to buy and felt strongly that she deserved a reward for all the effort she was going to for my sake. Sadly, nothing impressed me so I bought some white tiger balm. I remember it was useful when I was in China, it might be useful for the pain in my glutes.

We got back in the bus and drove out to a village for our cooking lesson. First we made vegetable flowers from tomatoes and carrots and shallots. Then, using an onion as a base, we built them into a table ornament. Then we made spring rolls, they supplied catfish for everyone else and chicken for me because someone had warned them I wasn’t a fish eater. Finally we made chicken with rice pancakes and ate it all for lunch with papaya salad. We came back to Hoi An, then and I was too tired to do anything else. This getting old business can really curtail your fun.