I wish I could walk again. I dream about it sometimes, I’m walking along and then I realise I’m walking normally, how I used to walk, one foot in front of the other and no shakiness.

I sit in my car and I watch people walk. They walk down the street full of confidence, swinging their arms, no concerns about balance, no worries about falling over. Looking around without a care to see if a car’s coming as they cross or just to see what else is on the street. If you say hello to me, I fall over or I have to grab the nearest lamp post so as not to.

People take walking for granted, they don’t realise how much of life depends on it. Just moving from the kitchen bench to the dining table and carrying food requires balance. Going from the bed to the bathroom late at night. Looking for something in a shop. It all depends on walking and standing. People can just do it. I could do it once.

It began slowly. First, I kept going sideways. I was walking ok but my left foot kept wanting to go where my right was. But I could still walk which was important because I walk every day. An hour or so. It’s my favourite form of exercise. I like to walk along the beach, through the park and up and down the streets. There’s a trail that goes up the mountain, I got lost there once and walked around and around till I found my way down. I could see the people who lived below and I was pleased that if there was a fire it would have to go through all those houses to get to mine. I was even happier when I found a water tank on my way down.

My doctor sent me for a brain scan. She rang me up to tell me it was normal. I heaved a sigh of relief but my walking got worse till I could only put one foot in front of the other slowly and I was shaking when I walked. Even the car started to veer in the direction I wanted to walk. I preferred other people driving. I decided not to drive to far, only to the shops and yoga.

I began to get scared of leaving the house. I sold the house and moved somewhere I could see people without leaving the house. Another doctor sent me to get my ears checked. This will solve it, I thought but even afterwards I was still walking slowly and I nearly fell on the stairs at the railway station. He sent me to a neurologist. He misdiagnosed me. I read the website like he said and I had none of the symptoms. He cost four hundred dollars. I still can’t walk and I don’t know why.

I just want to walk.